MY SNL AUDITION

WHAT IF BRUCE LEE NEVER DIED AND HOSTED SNL IN THE 70s

COLD OPENING

(sits down and pretends I'm tied up)
(Dan Akroyd impression)

GREEN HORNET
You'll never get away with this, Johnny the Gun! My ward Kato will be here to save me!

(stands next to chair)
(John Belushi impression)

JOHNNY THE GUN
Ha! He'll never get here in time, Green Hornet! Now prepare to die!

(runs to stage right)
(Bruce Lee impression)
Not so fast!

Start shadow boxing and kicking around the room. Runs to the chair and sits down.

(Dan Akroyd impression)
Thank heavens you're here, Kato! I thought I was done.

(Bruce Lee impression)
No problem, boss. (To Johnny) Any last words, Johnny?

(John Belushi impression)
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT

DON PARDO
It's Saturday Night Live. Dan Akroyd, John Belushi, Gilda Radner, Bill Murray, Jane Curtain. Fast forward a little. Special guest Bruce Lee, musical guest Bruce Springsteen and the E String Band, Blues Brothers. Ladies and gentlemen. Bruce Lee

BRUCE LEE
Thank you. My name is Bruce Lee. I'm an actor and martial artist. My training dated back to when I was 10 years old in Hong Kong. I was trained in Gung Fu growing up. Here are some of the different attacks.

Bruce Lee kicks and punches, then fast forward to him saying, "We have a great show tonight. Bruce Springsteen and the E String is here". We go to commercial break and now we are in a saloon. I stand behind the bar and turn around.

JOHN BELUSHI
bluda doo woo ah

DON PARDO
And now! Samurai meets the man with now name.

Bruce Lee walks in dressed like Clint Eastwood. Cowboy hat, Pancho, and a cigar in his mouth.

BRUCE LEE
(gruff voice like Clint)
I'm looking a wanted man.

Pulls out a wanted poster and it's a drawing of John Belushi with his samurai make-up

We fast forward to the super bassamatic 75 commercial with Dan Akroyd. Then we go to Bruce Lee on main stage.

BRUCE LEE
Ladies and gentlemen, Bruce Springsteen and the E String Band

Bruce Springsteen sings a little bit from Thunder Road.

DON PARDO
And now! Weekend update with Jane Curtain and Dan Akroyd.

Fast forward.

DAN AKROYD
Jane, you ignorant slut!

We fast forward to Bruce Lee on main stage announcing Bruce Springsteen and the E String band. They sing a bit of Tenth Avenue Freeze-out and the Blues Brothers come out. Johnny Blues sings the second verse.

We go to the goodbyes and Bruce Lee thanks everybody.

(End of show)